MyRoleModels

Two

By Vonia Martin copyright 2023 

When I searched for successful people that were adopted I got a whole two people, Marilyn Monroe and Dave Thomas. Granted, the first is a legend but in my opinion dead is not being successful and both are exactly that. I realize we are all going to die but to be successful, in my opinion, one should not die way before your time and both did exactly that. That doesn’t leave anyone but the message is clear, die young and you might have a chance at being successful. 

When I searched for successful people that aged out of the foster care system all I got was Marilyn Monroe or Norma Jean. She should stand alone but for so many other things plus I wonder if the studios didn’t make the story up for publicity, they did that a lot back in those days. Yet no one claimed her body when she died so I believe her story. A parent wouldn’t have let their daughter be treated the way she was or act the way she did. I wasn’t even alive in those days but over the years I couldn’t help but gather the story of her life, especially when she is my only role model. She sure did set the bar high as far as being famous, a legend no doubt. My problem is that other than a sex symbol and adulterer what did she do? 

Die naked. She had numerous affairs with married men including the president and his brother, quite possibly the reason they were both assassinated. She was a drunk and drug user yet we forgive her all of this because she was a slut and quite beautiful? What choice did she have? If she wasn’t beautiful her future didn’t look too good and her choices would have dwindled to nothing. Society doesn’t treat foster kids that well nor after they become adults so she did what she had to and that made her a success. They used her and spit her out because they knew they could and the whole world watched as it happened. Who did she think she was anyway? It’s my opinion Jackeline Onassis had all three of them killed but who am I. I used to think you couldn’t end a sentence in I but apparently you can.

My whole point is that we need to refresh the list of successful adopted and non adoptables so they have more people to look up to because we need them. If there aren’t any and if there are, we need to work on being equal to all even to those that have nothing and nobody. If all lives matter then so do theirs, it’s not their fault they had shitty parents with no personality. All they need is a chance with some decent, honest people. Maybe a lot more then that but it’s a start and far more then they have now. As it is they think they are doomed to become their parent and look what they did to them. We have generations of the same family in the system. I personally chose not to procreate for fear my kid(s) would end up in the system if anything happened to me. 

As I have gotten older and uglier my choices have narrowed even further. People are evil. When they have no one to answer to anything goes. In public they are a saint, like you are some kinda charity and being with you is their good deed to society. When in fact they use you to blame every fucked up thing they do on. They make sure you are never in a position to leave them. They have isolated you from everyone. I’m not sure what he tells people but it’s very effective at keeping them away. He is also very good at setting me up to look like a liar and an idiot. Just by keeping unbalanced and on the defensive, scattered and unpredictable. No feels good being around someone like that. I’m learning but as I do my time becomes shorter, not knowing if he will let me go but worse I have no place to go. He doesn’t hit me but tortures me in so many other ways but denies it all most of the time every once in a while he will admit to something because he knows there isn’t anything I can do about it. 

Why he won’t be a decent human being to me I don’t know. What did I do to make him hate me so much? 

He won’t tell me but it must be something pretty fucking bad to keep me around just to punish. My only hope is that he will snap out of it and realize what a wonderful person I really am. It’s like he is taking every wrong he has experienced by other women out on me or he is just a mean old man and I’m the only one that will put up with as long as he makes sure I can’t stand on my own. I mean, I can stand on my own I just don’t want to have to lose everything in the process. Which is what will happen one day if I don’t get out first but lets be clear it is just stuff as long as I have my dog the rest is expendable even my adopted mother broach, necklace, and ring. When it comes down to it my dog is all that I really really need. All else I know I can live without because nine years ago I did exactly that. 

Previously, I was in a twelve year relationship, with guess who, my now current boyfriend’s best friend. Yes, sucks doesn’t it but what else or where else was I going to go? At least this boyfriend didn’t completely isolate me from everyone other wise I would still be there. When I do have a job they make sure it is temporary or part time if not he fuck up my job by going there or sending his son or daughter to start rumors and spread lies. I wish I was making this shit up. So when it was time for me to leave, which I had done many times before, there was no where for me to go. Until his friend, who was a teacher at the time, offered me a room. He even said he would help me get a place of my own, when I got on my feet. At first he was cool but as soon as he had his way with me it changed and not in a good way. He treated me more like a hooker, except the paying me part. I do most everything around the house and he just fucks it up so I clean or fix it again so he can fuck it up again. He steals my things and I think gives it to his kids? I don’t know but they don’t like me either what he tells them I don’t know but it keeps us apart and makes me the common enemy. 

My “boyfriend” now said that he would marry me but he didn’t mean it. He also told me he would get me dental implants when the time came but he didn’t mean that either. He basically lied to me to get what he wanted and still wants but not until he does what he said. He used his position to lure me in and lies to make me stay and now I’m trapped. His IT guy at his old school hacked my email and phone so he goes through all my texts and mail same with my actual mail he takes what ever he thinks will help with his taxes and uses me as a dependent but gives me nothing. I have never met anyone who goes so far out of his way to prove me wrong even manipulates and influences others to do it.

It’s not much different then foster care and the parents choosing their kid(s) over me, not just that but rubbing it my face so I pretended not to care, to be above them and their attention. It drove, no it drives people crazy, especially when their sole purpose is to make me feel bad because apparently I should.

Fuck that!!!! I choose happiness not because I have anything to be happy about because most people, including my “boyfriend”, make sure I don’t. Fuck them!!!! There is very few things in this life that “they” can’t take from you and happiness my dear friend is one of them no matter how hard they try and they will try, trust me. Be prepared to die for that happiness at any given moment because it attracts the worst of us. They can’t allow anyone anything they don’t have and they have nothing.

I want to be a role model but I’m in no position to be one, I don’t even want to be me.

Ever since I was 15 I worked some times two jobs to get by. It has never been easy for me especially now that I am with the enemy. The thing is he is really good at making it look like he does so much for me when he does nothing. He lies to me so much only to make it look to others that I am the liar because I repeat his lies giving him the benefit of the doubt only to regret it when it comes back on me. 

One of these days I am going to put into words what this man is doing to me and hopefully this won’t happen to anyone else because it is crippling and boarder line abusive. This is not what I want to be known for when I have so many other things I want to give but first I have to be in a position that is safe and enabling. This man will not allow me to do anything positive he sabotages any and all credibility I have worked so hard for. He is a narcissist and can’t stand it when anyone but him is successful. 

So, as you can imagine, it is difficult to be able to become a role model for these kids that have none. He won’t even allow me that all he will allow me to be is a piece of shit like him. Only he is worse because he steals ideas, morals, and values from me and others to make himself look good. It is my worst nightmare come true and it’s all thanks to him whom I’ve done nothing but try to help. He won’t even allow me that even though I do it everyday but he is never appreciative just grumpy and negative.