BoredomSucks

AndNeverSwallows (Lol)

By V. Martin


At least now I get space where I need it. And its not the space between my ears. My boss gave birth to a baby girl today. I’m very happy for them but cannot help but think of the kids I would of had if I had had a family. Maybe too many hads in that sentence.
There are so many things I wanted to be and do in my life and most I have failed to do or be. My first impulse is to blame my past and my lack of family because it is everything so I have nothing. They are not kidding when they say family is everything except when you don’t have one then it is more then everything, if that is possible. Nothing is something I know a lot about. So much so, I believe it is all I am worthy of having. When everything you have has been given to you by a few generous people only to be taken by a few greedy people that think I deserve nothing. Some how I have managed to surround myself by a few very greedy individuals that take great pleasure in taking everything I have. They have even gone as far as making fun of me for not being successful in my life. They seem to think that I should have done far more then I have but at the same time makes sure I don’t. 
Like my current “boyfriend” he knew my Camero was stolen and by who. Instead of helping me get it back he gets me to order an exhaust system for it for the people that stole it.
Like at thanksgiving, I cooked for my “boyfriend’s” family and they loved it. They even thanked me for all the alcohol I bought to makes drinks for everyone but my boyfriend told them that it was because I got it at a discount which was bullshit, I got nothing at a discount. He was so threatened by my successful dinner that he took the Christmas dinner I made to his Moms along with the wine I bought and Christmas gift, none or which he or his family thanked me for. So Christmas I spent alone, which is what he wanted so he could make fun of me. 
Well, I didn’t let him. Instead I loved spending Christmas alone, it reminded me of when I was a kid. The holidays are a time I feel better spent by myself because everyone else makes me want to kill myself. (Which is what my boyfriend wants) Yes you heard me correctly, he wants to drive me to suicide. It is totally fucked up but Whitney Houston is an example of what new murder looks like. Men get women to kill themselves so they can feel so powerful for committing murder without committing murder. Why Whitney Houston was a target for this, I don’t know, but Bobby Brown killed her and his daughter without having to lift a finger, just a needle. My boyfriend is trying to do the same.
Drugs are a very effective way to control someone and insecure men use it for power and control over who they fear the most; women. They know we are better then them and instead of improving themselves they would rather get us hooked on something they can control us with rather then give us encouragement and support.  He influences everyone and everything around me with the sole intent of making me look bad, which I need no help doing. My only goal in life, at this point, is to leave it with hurting as little people as possible. If at all possible saving as many people as possible, if possible. 
My ability to be at the right place at the right time has come into question lately when in fact I was there but no one was listening. At least not the right people. I know that everything we say and do in recorded so why no one took me serious when I was saying how worried I was about fire is troubling. And yet if I throw a bag of dog poo in the schools dumpster three cop cars and a few under covers  show up to investigate. I know it sounds like I’m making this shit up but I’m not. 
Just a question; why is it when we flip our camera around to take a selfie the camera doesn’t flip too. It doesn’t need to because there is a camera lens already there. In other words there is already a camera looking at us all the time we just tap into it when we flip the camera to film ourselves. 

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